He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
