One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
