Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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