I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
