we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
