Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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