Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
