after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
