the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
