There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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