my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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