That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
