Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
