So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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