white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
