"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
