She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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