I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
