Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
