Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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