Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
