this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
