I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
