I didn't shave. On purpose
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i came on her dog
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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