I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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