Whod you bang
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
