I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
