My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want a musical about memes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
