My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
