I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
