I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
