the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
