so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
