he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
