Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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