i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
