I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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