ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
