He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He did a backflip because drugs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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