and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
