I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there's paper in my vomit.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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