I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
