are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am one with the molecules
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
