Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
