the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I understand Curling. That high.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
