i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
