what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
