I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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