I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
