i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
